May God Touch Your Heart to Help

I can not find work here mainly because of persecution from the church. The same people who are responsible for my being out of work in the first place.This is a small place ,21 by 7 miles. I am infamous they have even dedicated a song to me - 'Stop Begging'. After making sure I got fired, friends of these church people followed me into town spreading the message that I have to look for work & forget about what problems I had in the past. After not being able to find employment for 2 years, the message is now, I do not want to work & I like to beg, successfully turning public perception against me. So now I am being turned away from places I used to go where I found help. like the mall. The police have told me that I would be booked if I was seen in town without having any business to do there. I was greeted by some of my former associates from church recently who triumphantly said calls would be made to all the food stores to cause me to be moved from those areas as well.


My name is Leona Obbrace. I really had to tap into the grace of God to take all of this on a daily basis without breaking down. The way people celebrate when I used to cry my heart out on the street helped me to be determined to have peace no matter what they do to me or what I hear on the radio. They are waiting for me to have a nervous breakdown. I am not going to. I stop on the street for an hour, if need be, with my eyes closed waiting on the Holy Spirit to restore my peace & joy & to hear His affirmation. I had to learn to hold onto the Presence of God, to know that I am not out there alone but He is with me.

I would really like people to commit to writing/emailing the lawyers association, tourism minister, church boards - especially ORU & INSP (where pastor Myles is popular), the US Justice Dpt, the American Embassy here & the office of the Prime Minister. Also amnesty international has an office here but refuses to get involved unless it is a big deal for them, one person is not enough. You see these people have manipulated the police force, social services, even the medical profession & the legal system. There has been a lot of injustice committed & unless outsiders get involved there will be no attempt to upset these influential leaders here. I am on a 40 day fast & maybe some from your church or other believers could take a day or hour to commit to praying with me concerning this situation. You could tell them to email me at leonafobbrace@gmail.com . My fast started last Saturday. Helping others would greatly reduce your feeling of depression. I was almost out of my depression whiles I worked at this church Bahamas Faith Ministries. I felt I was really doing something I loved. I was responsible for the groceries & clothes that was stored for those in need but unfortunately not used in that way. I was able to help people out financially. I was very proud of the standard I held my self to on the job which made me become a shift supervisor, anyone who worked with me was my responsibility. Actually, the way I helped put together the schedule & found ways to do more caused more people to be brought on staff. I practically created my position. I was very broken up by the fact that I was losing all of that & I was confused as to why God did not intervene. I became more depressed than ever & started having panic attacks as the environment became very hostile on the job, in the streets, where I went to buy groceries, at the mall, even my family became very vicious towards me. I attempted suicide after I was slapped in the front of the church altar by one of our pastors whiles my eyes were closed & I was praying & waiting for her to pray for me. The church was filled with laughter & murmurs of approval for this action. There were men who worked in the security department that were on the floor laughing with tears running down their face, holding their sides. After that attempt at suicide , I was sent a letter from the church saying I would have to come in to explain myself or I would not be buried there as I would no longer be considered a member & I would not be able to get any character references from them. Seeing that many members are a part of the medical profession (later Myles was placed on the Hospital Authority Board which manages the public hospital & gives licenses to all who want to practice in this country) they were able to avert all blame for their actions & have me labeled as a violent schizophrenic. Apparently I am filled with such low self esteem that when others are laughing or talking I feel like they are talking about me & laughing at me. The effort to keep me unemployed is to help their story that I was failing at my job & could not take care of myself or handle responsibilities, which is the real reason I tried to commit suicide & they say I am a lesbian & was outed by the pastor & that is why my membership was taken away. So the effort continues to discredit me & they have all the organizations here on their side.

Walking with Jesus

I went to see a lawyer yesterday then I went on an interview for a job with a security company. I was sent by the lawyer to his anglican church (episcopal). It was a long day & I had no money to put on the rent. I was promised help from this priest but that was not given. I began to throw an emotional fit, not yet to the yelling stage but murmuring under my breath. I was upset. The whole day was gone it was dark. I had to walk now because there was no more bus to catch. I recalled how powerful worship was. I must get back to that peace or else this frustration was going to cause me to continue to experience more frustration. I walked for a while looking for a place to sit & be quiet. I finally got to a spot, there was nothing secluded about it. I stopped to pray feeling nothing - it could have been 40 minutes feeling nothing was happening or going to happen. I just kept asking & thanking the Holy Spirit for grace to receive His peace & hear His voice. I started to pray as I began to become conscious of my spiritual union with Christ. It was like a small cloud shaped like a hand but I knew I was waking to the voice of God. 'God is my Father, He will answer me.' I would have given up feeling ridiculous a few years ago, & say after a good while, well God did not speak to me & it is getting late , I need to forget about it. This is taking to long. I had experience now though. 'I know my Father always hears me when I pray. I don't care how long it takes, I will wait.'


It was almost 9pm when I got up feeling like I was walking down the street skipping inside with Jesus. I knew He delighted in me. I felt His hand on me as a Father would put a hand on the head of their child & pat it. I was back in the room by 10pm having paid for the night, my bill did not get higher.

I recalled when I was so shaken by what was going on in my life. I was trying to fight it. I thought if I took someone to court & won, this harassment would die down. I tried to take a landlord to court but he got help from my former pastor & found a lawyer who knew the magistrate working in night court. I was staying above the office & heard them laughing & celebrating what this judge was going to say & do to me. I felt my knees go weak. I could not find a job, if I did, I could not keep it because of the harassment. I had no where to go - I had no money , friends & my family would not take my calls or let me in their house for a visit. I would have collapsed on the floor but the room was very small & I ended up with my head on the bed. I felt the room spinning & I felt like I was floating. I felt like I was losing my mind. I cried out to God, I do not know what I said...maybe just help me. The police was harassing me, the church was celebrating every time I lost a battle.

I had a vision that flashed through my mind, it lasted about half a second. I had the distinct impression that I was walking down the street with the disciples around me & Jesus in the center. There was the soldiers with weapons looking violent, there was the religious leaders on the side full of nothing but hatred & rage with fists raised against Jesus. They were the crowd who hated him & wanted to kill him right then & there. We walked surrounded by danger but Jesus was there.

I heard the voice of the Spirit ask, "If you were there & all those people were trying to kill you how secure would you feel?"

I answered feeling the answer was obvious, 'Very secure.'

Jesus said deliberately, " I..Am..with..you." Peace hit me like an ocean made of gel fell on me. I lost all cares. I had no worries. Nothing had changed but I was with Him. He became more tangible & solid in my mind & to my senses as the trouble became shadowy. That is why I stop in the street to pray. I am more concerned about being with Him & having peace & joy, than having what I think I need. I ended up homeless but He was with me. Many horrible things happened to me on the street but I must say many horrible things happened to those who did horrible things to me. I began to see this time of economic hardship for this nation. I began to warn people they might lose their jobs. I was laughed at. Those jobs are gone today! I am in a room I could not have afforded when I was working, it would have cost $70-90 a night now. I was on the street without cable, a bathroom with a shower, a place to cook or a fridge. Boy , did I miss those things. I have those things now but I could turn the tv off now & not touch it. I really had a hard time doing that before. I could eat & be satisfied without having to enjoy every bite. I really would get royally upset if my food was not seasoned properly or I did not have starch, meat & vegetables & a huge fruity drink. I would be downcast if I only had water. Now I drink water every day & rarely buy anything else to drink. I have been weaned from things. I have grown to appreciate Jesus walking with me daily like nothing else. I used to be very down about not having a husband but I am not alone. I can have peace until the day comes when I do, I know I will. If I go without eating one day - I am not crushed with sorrow, as I used to be. I know there will be tomorrow. Once I cry over something & mourn & lose my joy, I let it go.

I started to get upset because I would have to walk down by the food store & ask for money or be out after 10pm when I wanted to be in the room resting. I let it go. I might as well do what I have to do with peace. 'After all Jesus will be there with me', I cheered myself up with this.





The Spirit of Truth

15-17"If you love me, show it by doing what I've told you. I will talk to the Father, and he'll provide you another Friend so that you will always have someone with you. This Friend is the Spirit of Truth. The godless world can't take him in because it doesn't have eyes to see him, doesn't know what to look for. But you know him already because he has been staying with you, and will even be in you! 18-20"I will not leave you orphaned. I'm coming back. In just a little while the world will no longer see me, but you're going to see me because I am alive and you're about to come alive. At that moment you will know absolutely that I'm in my Father, and you're in me, and I'm in you.
The Message (MSG)Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson


Amplified Bible

15If you [really] love Me, you will keep (obey) My commands.

16And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby), that He may remain with you forever--

17The Spirit of Truth, Whom the world cannot receive (welcome, take to its heart), because it does not see Him or know and recognize Him. But you know and recognize Him, for He lives with you [constantly] and will be in you.

18I will not leave you as orphans [comfortless, desolate, bereaved, forlorn, helpless]; I will come [back] to you.

Depression in my life & out of my life

I was writing someone else & thought of you. I hope you are not insulted by the hand down. It is a lot to write twice. So I copied & pasted the letter so you could read it to. I hope it blesses you, it encouraged me to recall these things after a very trying week.

Love your sis.

I have not seen many prayer request from you. You post in the lounge a lot. One of the lies of the devil is making us believe our circumstances can MAKE us depressed. We have the nature of Jesus on the inside. I keep meeting people with this problem - I was delivered from depression. The thing is I had to keep changing my thinking. God demanded me to change my perspective after a while. It was not something He addresses like a problem you are not responsible for. I remember when He told me very loudly - "you have dwelt around this mountain long enough!" I though, what does that mean. I turned to the passage & read about God dealing with the children of Israel. They were not moving forward because of their resistance to believing Gods' Word. They always took on a victim mentality. I read how He was very upset when they said they were as grasshoppers (insignificant & weak) in comparison to their enemies, this after God sent them to take the land. He said it was an EVIL report. When they talked of turning back - that they were always rejecting Him! I read in Jeremiah when He asked God if He was like a deceitful brook (a brook made when a river rises & disappears when it goes back down). Jeremiah chapter 15 says:

17I sat not in the assembly of those who make merry, nor did I rejoice; I sat alone because Your [powerful] hand was upon me, for You had filled me with indignation. 18Why is my pain perpetual and my wound incurable, refusing to be healed? Will you indeed be to me like a deceitful brook, like waters that fail and are uncertain? 19Therefore thus says the Lord [to Jeremiah]: If you return [and give up this mistaken tone of distrust and despair], then I will give you again a settled place of quiet and safety, and you will be My minister; and if you separate the precious from the vile [cleansing your own heart from unworthy and unwarranted suspicions concerning God's faithfulness], you shall be My mouthpiece. [But do not yield to them.] Let them return to you--not you to [the people]. You see, I have never met anyone who really was zealous toward God who lived a comfortable life! I know I do not. It provokes us to seek after God but it causes us to be alone & rejected. Look at how Jeremiah said, it was because Gods' Hand was upon him. ] I remember after I was harassed out of BFM, a church I really loved & placed my identity in. I had learned what my gifts were in there. When I first went there many manifestations of the Holy Spirit was there & the pastors encouraged us to use them - to listen to the Holy Spirit & do what we felt in our hearts. To hear from God was what I wanted my whole life & even though I was filled with the Spirit at my grands' house & He usually spoke to me first in the house - I would hear confirmation at this church almost every time. I knew God sent me there. Then things changed. It became a dry place as the pastors tried to control things & make sure no word be brought forth that offended the big shots in the church. They ignored those who had obvious gifts & put dead, unholy but money people in positions. These people hated me. They used to ask out loud whenever I went up to give a Word from the Lord - 'Is she a prophet?!' They said this with disgust. After being treated so cruelly for years, things kept escalating - they destroyed my reputation & still persecute me. I left after being slapped in the face after going up for prayers one Friday evening with tears pouring down my face. I wanted nothing more to do with God. I was praying & crying out to Him with tears every day. He kept telling me to praise Him to receive His peace & joy. I felt that this was the most unreasonable & ridiculous thing I ever heard. My family completely turned against me. I was told I needed to find another place to live. My aunt who introduced me to BFM asked my grandaunt I was living with not to allow me to eat after I stopped working for BFM. They knew all the places I frequented, the wash house I went to, the stores I shopped at & every where I went the mocking & laughter continued - I had not one friend. I was struggling & hungry all the time & nobody cared. The bus drivers who I used to ride around with when I was off, talking to them & enjoying the island, started throwing me off the bus with insults - 'I don't want this crazy girl on my bus!!' I was insulted at every turn, still am. I kept hearing messages on worshiping God, not allowing the devil to steal your joy, praise God instead of complaining & be HAPPY!!! Are you kidding?! I was frustrated, I lifted my arms to try to praise & dropped them with tears & said it is impossible. Change the situation & I will praise You. I can not, I can not praise You now! I'm in to much pain. Angie, I was hurting so bad I felt my heart would burst & I would die. I was numb from head to toe with pain, it was almost physical it was so tangible. I wanted to die. After I was slapped I tried to kill myself. Two years after yelling at everyone who kept asking me if I was a christian - "No, I want nothing more to do with God!! I want nothing to do with church!! I want nothing to do with church people!!" I was doing better financially. I sat down to see what was on satellite & if nothing interesting was on - I would watch x-rated movies. I heard something I had not listened to for 2 years, Jakes' music. It was a new channel called the Church Channel. He was about to have a panel discussion with some women. He turned & said,' before we begin, there is someone watching this & you are running from God. You want nothing more to do with God. You want nothing to do with church. You want nothing to do with church people. But God still has HIS HAND ON YOU.' My heart softened & I was grateful God reached out to me before I died & went to a burning hell. I thought right away I would begin to obey God, no matter what. I made praise & worship priority. Things picked up where they left off. I obeyed God this time reasoning that if God made the world with His Word -then if He says I could have joy & peace then I could have joy & peace. His Word has self fulfilling power! I praised God all day & all night. I thanked God for Joy & Peace in Christ. Whenever I felt that sinking feeling on the inside when I was attacked, I asked the Holy Spirit to realign my soul so I would be in agreement with my spirit & the Spirit. I knew my spirit was not the problem. The Holy Spirit witnessed with my spirit but my soul (emotions) was out of sync. I would feel peace fill my soul & felt like I was being lifted out of that hole. I soon had no problem with depression. I only need to hear from or sense the affirmation of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes, I recall things God spoke to me or answers I got in prayer. He also spoke to me using Paula White. This is not an endorsement of either ministers - God used them but I do not listen to them. It is funny because they are both friends with Dr.Myles Munroe. I heard her on the same channel for the first time, I do not think she was on TBN yet. The Holy Spirit practically yelled at me, inaudibly, to go & hear her. I was glad she was right in Florida because He was so persistent. I made up my mind to catch a flight over there. I called a local church if they were having any church that night, it was Friday. The lady answered no, but Eddie Long was having a Women's Conference in town & their church was supporting it. She said, Paula White was speaking that night. Imagine my surprise, a woman I never heard of before. I went & she talked about this woman, using a passage in Ezekial who was rejected by family since birth. My father is Haitian, a race looked down on here. I was told by my cousins I did not belong in this country & my grandmother always told me I was not her child. I have a very good looking family & I was not as attractive as they were. They insulted me a lot. She talked about this girl being rejected because of her looks & never receiving the tender,nurturing treatment that children needed. She talked about this woman being rejected by her spiritual leaders & left to die alone. You know most of the time I was in the hospital, no one came to see me. She said but Jesus was passing & saw you lying in your blood & said, 'Live!' He took you & made you beautiful. I cried through the whole message, realizing that God made a distinction between Himself & those mistreating me. I felt He had rejected me. Now all who were used mightily by God seem to face this dilemma - is God with me or not. It is just that the Israelites railed against God & Moses, instead of doing what Jeremiah did, seeking Him in prayer. You will find this in Habakkuk, in the psalms by different psalmist, Peter addresses it & Paul in his letters to the Thessalonian s. We are called to go through suffering. The bible tells us why. Job is the answer, will Job serve you if you take away all his blessings, he will turn against You if you take away all he has, satan accused. Jesus answered it only my true disciples will love me more than this life & those who give up this one will gain another higher one. He talks about those who are offended when persecution comes because of the Word. It is time to love God more & pass this test. Whether or not things change my love for God will burn in my heart. He is my joy. He is my great reward.

Barack Obama & the New World Order

   The movement towards a one world government is escalating. I do not understand why so many say they do not see America in end times prophecy. America is there. It is has been the last strong hold of resistance against a one world government being the only clear democracy &  fiercely independent. It is such an influential nation among other lesser powers that it would have been impossible to even begin to see a new world order without its cooperation.

   With the rise of Barack H. Obama the stage is being set. The powers of the security forces are being neutralized. Congress is being given more oversight & there is a war not on outside threats but organizations within America that protect its independence & freedom. The change that Obama envisioned is one that I grew up hearing about in US schools. He has not surprised me in the least.

      He is amoral, he will & has lied about his intentions. He does not believe in the greatness of America. He believes in a twisted philosophy that was spawned with the drug years in the sixties. A parallel universe that existed in the depraved minds of those abusing foreign substances. The first thing that went through my mind watching him was that he uses marijuana.

       These anti God, ,anti authority anarchist wanted to legitimize themselves by coming up with their own morality. One in which they can do what they wanted but still claim they were the good people. They questioned & spoke against the origin & hence , the legitimacy of the traditional moral standards. They cling to Atheism & Evolution. They extol the rights of others to have a government that is different than the democracy of the US & should not be interfered with. They love to talk of the faiths outside of Christianity that are just as or even more virtuous.

      The life of the planet has taken greater precedence over the life of the unborn. In order to save the planet & its resources we need to slow the population growth. The earth can not produce enough for all. We are polluters. So this false notion that sex should be between a man & a woman who are married is not discussed seriously. There is no God , there is no right to our life - the planet was here before us. Who made us so much more important than all other living things.

        Human rights are a joke now. They do not include women who are being stoned to death for wearing the wrong clothes or the victims of honor killings. They do not include the victims of these oppressive regimes around the world. These people are merely suffering from a world that has taken advantage of them & not given them the same opportunities as those in the west ,who have an unfair share. You would have to argue the sanctity of life in agreement with the christian faith if you were against abortion or for the death penalty for those who took another s' life. Sanctity of life does not come from evolution, it comes from God.

        So now - it is time for a change! US tax dollars being given to poorer countries. Redistribution of wealth crossing national boundaries. Gitmo closing & terrorist being tried in the civil court system - the first step to being tried in a world court, after removing the barriers of  confidential practices. You can not talk about these issues on a world stage if you can not blab about them in the liberal press. This is a new justice that is no justice at all. It tells the wicked they are innocent & makes the moral, upstanding citizen guilty. True justice comes from the conviction in a Supreme Being Who is also the Judge of all men because He is the Creator of all men.

           It would be absolutely unconscionable to leave out the one glaring evidence of the truth of scripture, Israel. The bible predicts the whole world will be anti Jesus & anti Israel. When God said I will scatter Israel

& evict them off my land, He mentioned He would use other nations. When He said He would bring them back & protect them for a time & season ,it was by the eagles wings that He lifted them up & covered them. Now Barack is bringing about another phase of the prophecy. The end of that time of protection. The bible predicts they will have no wall to protect themselves. It is Obama & his party that is very aggressive in demanding that the wall comes down.

            God said He will destroy the wicked economic system of the world - gold will be useless. This new & might I say very wicked economic philosophy that Obama is pushing will bring the world economy to a crashing halt. Maybe this is why the bible talks about war with horses in the last world war. A global agreement that pays for & runs the world health system , guaranteeing abortion on demand & the right to end the life of your grandmother. When health care is passed in the US it will bring the nation in harmony with the godless practices of China, Japan, Canada etc..  Another piece coming together in the new world, which God guarantees He will destroy.

  

    

 

God wants you to know that He loves you.

 
I know He is not partial , sometimes I think He must have a soft spot for me. I remember I was going through a lot at Bahamas Faith Ministries whiles I was working there. They deliberately disrupted & ruined all of my relationships with those within & outside the church, including my family. My grandaunt ,who was so proud of me, her God fearing grand niece begged for me to come & live with her for years. She stopped talking to me & wanted me out of the house. All the girls who I worked with said I was the nicest person there at the church & was very fair & they had more fun working with me. They stopped talking to me & stopped listening to me ( I was shift-supervisor ). I twisted my ankle carrying breakfast dishes down to the board room from the kitchen upstairs. It was outside by the door that people went through to collect their kids from the school. Many saw me sitting on the steps in obvious distress & went to tell the security I needed help. The security officers walked up to where they could see me laughing at the fact that I was waiting for someone to help me & no one was going to. After about an hour I limped down slowly to the office inside. It took a while to get my once friendly manager to agree to help me get home , I could not put my full weight on my foot. I stayed home one day & my grandaunt was so disagreeable I went to work the next even though my ankle was still swollen & painful. I stopped with a young girl for a 15 minute tea break & put my leg in a chair in front of me watching the 700 club. They were getting ready to pray for people. As Terry prayed for God to meet the needs of the audience I said, "God, if you love me, heal my ankle." At the second I finished those words Terry looked up & said,"there is someone watching this program right now. You have sprained your ankle & you have your leg in the chair in front of you. God wants you to know that He loves you...& He is healing your ankle right now." I'm sure He loves you to & He wants you to know it.

Provender: Are you covering for a spiritually abusive pastor?

Provender: Are you covering for a spiritually abusive pastor?

Symptoms of a Fallen Church

Whiles on my first 40 day fast here in the Bahamas ,God made it clear that the problems I was facing was not simply a personal issue. He showed me that the church & therefor the nation was corrupt. He showed me Bahamas Faith Ministries & the whole nation was covered by the same cloud of darkness. It pervades church ,government & secular life. If the church were not corrupt there would be a contrast, a place where lives are transformed ,a group of people who stand out in the workplace or police force.

Published On:Monday, August 17, 2009

By RUPERT MISSICK Jr

Chief Reporter

rmissick@tribunemedia.net

A disturbing window is opening into the minds of Bahamians who oppose the amendment to the Sexual Offences Act which would totally ban marital rape in the Bahamas.

It appears that men who balk at the idea believe that it is acceptable to force themselves on wives unwilling or unable to have sex. It seems they are willing to abandon the traditional role of husbands as protector and provider and don the mantle of predator.

Women who oppose this amendment either believe that being raped is an acceptable aspect of married life, an inevitability, like having to complain about your husband dropping his shirt onto the bedroom floor after he comes home from work or believe that they have no right to their own feelings .

excerpt from Bahamas Journal

The Bahamas Christian Council says while it generally agrees with the proposed amendment to the Sexual Offences Act and believes that Advocates are moving in the right direction to protect women's rights, more time needs to be spent crafting the law to ensure that rights are upheld and moral laws maintained. Therefore the BCC is asking for at least 30 days for "deliberation and consultation" on the proposed amendmant. The controversial amendment would outlaw marital rape in the Bahamas.

However, many critics say the proposed change is "diabolical" and could possibly disrupt family life. BCC President Rev. Patrick Paul agrees with the latter. In a press statement released Tuesday he noted that many "depraved and malevolent" women may take the opportunity to "humiliate, scourge and defeat a man for personal vindictive reasons" 'Therefore in light of these very real possibilities we request that more time be given for further consideration and dialogue on this matter" he said.

rev. patrick paul(president of Bahamas Christian Council)

Many say they are opposed to the measure because it contradicts their Christian values or because they believe it will lead to women filing false charges against their husbands, reports the Associated Press. One of the most vocal religious leaders in opposition to the bill, Senior Pastor of the Kingdom Life Church Cedric Moss, has said that sexual violence within marriage should not be called rape and should be addressed with lesser penalties than non-marital rape, according to the Nassau Guardian.

A day in the Bahamas

I have to write today ,I've missed a lot of key moments & one of them comes to mind as I wonder if I am being heard by God. Things are

becoming very hard. As I thought about this & how tired I feel, I remembered last week friday. I was having praise & worship when I felt

such peace after only two songs. I got the impression that God was pleased & He wanted to let me Know that He heard me & accepted my fast

as a sacrifice & my prayers were like the broken bread at the communion table. I just kept hearing broken bread _ that I was like this

bread. How fast a week can go. I must say that I felt that I should of written these things down then but I was nervous about losing too

much time in the day. I hope that has nothing to do with how hard things are now, my own mistake.

I have had an escalation of attacks against me. I knew I was going to be harassed by the people at the food store at the golden gates

centre. I did expect it & went anyway ,not knowing what else to do. I started out as usual until the minister showed up & asked me how

things were going. "They must be going good , since you keep coming back again & again." He sounded put off. I knew by his attitude he did

not like the fact that I got more money given to me by asking than he did by hacking. The rasta selling peanuts was also embarrassed.

I went on a carmichael road bus for the first time instead of a south beach bus. The bus driver asked where I & the lady on the bus was

going. This is a constant practice by bus drivers when I get on a bus. They are a part of an army that has amassed to put a stop to me,

whatever I'm doing. They formed when I was selling books. How much money I was making was discussed with such angry passion that I could

not ride the bus safely anymore. You would believe I was molesting kids.

When this driver let me & the other lady off the bus, he said, 'So this is where she's going. I hear she's be making all kind of money.

She'll never stop.' Another sign was how the $30 that was given to me by the gentleman from family of faith , was talked about that teusday.

I remembered how the men at the mall at marathon stopped giving just after Marsha gave me $30 there , the same happened that teusday. The

over $70 I made was the talk downtown & at park manor when I got in. I have police cars driving past me wherever I go ,this is not normal.

The people who work in the stores on baystreet are celebrating. One man enthusiastically hollered ,"by the time we're through with her

she is going to get a good job!" Right, like a good job in sales.

Well, that thursday as the men kept walking past me & turning me down , the peanut man ,men who packed groceries & others laughed loud

& hard. Right in front of me ,so I could see. I walked in the store where a cashier had practically all the packing boys around her telling

them what to say & what not to say. A few people from the past showed up mainly from BFM. One classmate from high school who got enthusiastic

greeting from the peanut man & others. High fives were given. The man that had his office in the shopping centre where I worked at sales

came by for an update. I have to remember the people who park their cars beside me & lean back to watch me with great interest.

I left & went to the mall at marathon to try to make the rest of the rent money. I had enough for that day but after one o'clock the next

day they can give your room away, so I like to be ahead. I was yelled at by a number of men. I heard alot of ,"that's the girl there."

The supervisor at Kelly's was very happy that night. I was humiliated. I felt like all the world was closing in on me. I wanted to know if

I could survive. I got a ride from a haitian guy in a small truck. He was sympathetic to the seventh day doctrine. I discussed hebrews with

him ,the passage that talks about shadows of & external regulations that lasted until the time of Christ. He calmed down & shrugged his

shoulders as if reexamining his thoughts.

I got inside & laid down in despair. What was going to happen? I tried to pray in tongues & could not. I tried to sing & the effort made

me want to bawl. I created a playlist on my laptop that consisted of songs of God's peace & His helping hand. I woke at around five in the

morning. I still felt the same & tried the same things. I felt I was heading for the same mountain that I would not be able to out manouver.

I decided to send in a prayer request over the internet. As I wrote I felt better. I looked for a blog & found one that offers a free

outlet. It put things in perspective. I was in high spirits just a few minutes later. I felt God wanted me to write. I pray that they post

my blog. I tried to find a holiness chat room , I found one but I have to be accepted ,weird.

So friday I went downtown singing. The taxi drivers pulled up next to me & leaned back. I moved & soon met the same taxi drivers on the

other side of the street. A short guy in a very used blue car sat watching me for awhile. When a man gave me $20 he pulled off. Then the

police showed up. They made a old man , an alcoholic leave baystreet. They actually lifted him & physically removed him from the streets.

He screamed all the way to the waiting police car. There was an immediate celebration. "The police are cleaning up bay street." The intimation

was obvious. The practice of the police in dealing with me is to go after those aroung me before heading for me. They plan to arrest me or

just harass me. The end result is I'm just making the rent. Going out in the evening until late & in the afternoon the next day.

a part of my journal during a tumultous 40 day fast

Ashamed to be Right?

It is amazing how right the bible is. It proves that it is the very Word of God. No one could see

during the 60's the fallout from the rebellion against the authority of God. Many callled for free sex & drugs ,arguing the whole time that they were not hurting anyone. It has turned out to be a nightmare as far as the effects on society. All the argumemnts for murder throuogh abortion has been heard ad nauseam. Now the after affects are showing. Marriage is an unnecessary tradition but the benefits that are lost to us are invaluable.

Let me point out that God is sovereign here. He placed a sentence of death on sin. We are witnessing His judgment. Many christians today play to this new culture of tolerance & corectness instead of truth. As Paul wrote in the book of romans , Gods' wrath has already been unleashed on the world.

Now we have numerous veneral diseases & many are dying every minute. The population of the world is becomiing top heavy with seniors. It is the youth who work ,contribute & their money supports the elderly & disabled. Now the US is printing money ,devaluing the dollar as programmes like medicade are going under. Young people who do not have the luxury of a stable home enviorment are largely unprepared for marriage themselves. Deviant behavior by youngsters is rising. Drugs has unleashed uncontrollable gangs like the mexican mafia. The kiinship between drugs & viiolence is unquwstionable. Illelgal drugs , human trafficking , forced prostitution , conterfeit money etc.. aare all interconnected.

Chivo, an East Los Angeles gang member, teaches his daughter how to hold a 32-caliber pistol. Her mother, Yvonne, looks on.

Photo by APF Fellow Joseph Rodriguez

Mark 8:38 (American Standard Version)

³⁸ For whosoever shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of man also shall be ashamed of him, when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.

My recent trials as a christian

Maybe there are others who could relate to my trials as a conservative believer in the teachings of Jesus & His apostles (all jews) & not the false teachings of the great white reformation. I know that most of what is heard is comfort for the unrepentant but it is false comfort. I know what I believe is true because what the bible predicts we should expect to experience is my experience. We would be hated & disowned by family & the religious crowd. All who seek to live a godly life would be persecuted.

I hope you could endure some heavy words. I am humiliated & by extension angry. The bible shows Paul as an angry man demanding an apology from those who whipped him. Writing to the Thessalonicans to relate to their suffering ,he spoke of how he & Silas were insulted in Philippi. They themselves were losing there earthly belongings as they practiced the faith. Paul commended them by showing them that they were proving themselves to be true followers of the life of Jesus who was put to death by His own as they suffered at the hands of their own people. (read acts 16:11 - 40 & 1thess.)

I have been trying to fit into a church here in Nassau & I've even tried Andros once. I have found it mission impossible in a place that brags about having more churches per capita than anywhere else in the region. People here think that this is a good thing. It is not. It all boils down to whether or not an organization is true or real. I examined my life & like Paul I can say I know that I'm not a fake (2 cor.13:5 - 6). He spoke of being whipped ,I can remember being slapped by Debbie Bartlett (below) in front of the alter at BFM. Paul spoke incredulously of how the governor had the whole city to arrest him ,one man, for what he spoke. Just for words - they must not have been uplifting & comforting like Olsteens. Paul told King Agrippa what his message was :

'I was not disobedient to the vision from heaven ...I preached .. that they should repent & turn to God & prove their repentance by their deeds. That is why the jews seized me .. & tried to kill me.' - acts 19 - 22 (read the account of the vision)

I experience everyday just about the demonic violent excitement by it seems the whole city to destroy all I have & my name. It started at the latter end of my 15 years at BFM & continues to grow participants. I spoke of my belief that a believer is someone who turns from the lifestyle that may be acceptable by society but not Jesus. We follow Him not our own desires. I said no to the advances of men who were part of the church. I confessed my sins to get rid of them. Confessing that ever since being molested for years ,before I could talk by family & later by friends of my family, I had a tormenting desire for all things sexual. One of my favorite habits was to watch the dogs mating. I very rarely got my hands on porn ,always belonging to others.

Others in the church bragged about their habits & partners they had. One lady told me everyone thought about sex & I should focus on career goals. A deacon ,who was also my immediate supervisor whiles I worked at BFM, said ,"I thought it was something serious."

Since my direction was different from everyone else's own the force of their movement pushed me out. I ended up alone against a crowd. I backslid for 2 years where I did try to kill myself & found I would only succeed in entertaining those I now hated. I bought all the porn I wanted but found only disappointment & disgust at the many themes that were based on sex with minors as women dressed & played parts of underage school girls.

It was all empty . I faced the fact that the world apart from God was truly degenerate. How could this & more vile stuff be acceptable. I did not try to stop but I worried about my own heart. I said repeatedly (because people kept asking me if I was a christian) , I wanted nothing to do anymore with God, with church or church people, for two years. God answered me as I was watching tv & turning the channel I happened on a T D Jakes broadcast & he turned and faced the camera & said ,"...You dont want to have anything to do with God , you dont want to have anything to do with church & you dont want to have anything to do with church people anymore but God still has His hand on you."

Right now as I have settled down in God's hands, those church people have not changed. As I tried to find another church ,I found that I was seen as someone who caused trouble. They determined to cause me trouble. The head of the security department at BFM was also a senior police officer. There are other senior officers in the church it is where the influential go to here the message on Kingdom Influence & other churches. To harvest their influence the influential are given ministerial titles.

I have no police record but you would never know this by the actions of the force. They have been beating the pavement with warnings about me. I walked up on a senior officer as he was explaining to someone at Scotia Bank downtown that I was a con artist. This is because of the passion of the church people for the reputation of their pastors & for me to shut up & disappear I have lost my reputation through lies & lost jobs. I have found it impossible to find a job that can pay the rent.

The bus drivers carry the lies that started in BFM & other churches that I am a lesbian , a crazy person, a person who likes to quit jobs. The police , bus drivers , store clerks , fast food & foodstore employees are unfriendly & do their share for the cause. As I have been reduced to asking alms they all tell people that I just dont want to work. So far I've survived in a motel room for almost two weeks but the angry mob is growing. The insults are becoming more violent as they are told more information about me. I am just putting on weight & laying down whiles they are working & taking care of me. I must be stopped.

You know if you've ever visited the Bahamas are if you live here this is a place where there are always unemployed people who are not having extraordinary problems & they beg. They might have family who stand by them & give them a place to stay or friends who feed them. I have neither. I pray & walk out the door. I have determined not to compromise for food or a job. I have to turn down men & a few women who always get angry.

There was an incident downtown ,nassau that caused some african american visitors to ask why I was being treated the way I was. As men yelled & screamed that I deserved to be raped. I was sexually assaulted by someone who goes by the nickname 'bigdog' . He used judo so well , I'm sure he was trained by the police . He told what the police were going to say when they arrived, that I was a prostitute. Which they immediately accused me of when they arrived at the house I walked down to. At the time I was homeless & sleeping under a bridge on a boat.

As I entered the downtown area three days later , these men who were all church men & who had all tried to sleep with me , began heckling me. A junior female police yelled that I was again wearing the same shirt that I had on that evening proving that I was a real professional prostitute. She still leads a campaign against me on baystreet.

I find great assurance in the same promises that Paul (phil.1:19 -21) & Jesus (jhn. 14:28) hoped in . Knowing that death is my deliverance & the wicked will not stand in the judgment nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous. (pslm.1:5) all quotations from NIV

I do not endorse T D Jakes ,just the fact that God used him in that & a few other incidents.