I hope you could endure some heavy words. I am humiliated & by extension angry. The bible shows Paul as an angry man demanding an apology from those who whipped him. Writing to the Thessalonicans to relate to their suffering ,he spoke of how he & Silas were insulted in Philippi. They themselves were losing there earthly belongings as they practiced the faith. Paul commended them by showing them that they were proving themselves to be true followers of the life of Jesus who was put to death by His own as they suffered at the hands of their own people. (read acts 16:11 - 40 & 1thess.)
I have been trying to fit into a church here in Nassau & I've even tried Andros once. I have found it mission impossible in a place that brags about having more churches per capita than anywhere else in the region. People here think that this is a good thing. It is not. It all boils down to whether or not an organization is true or real. I examined my life & like Paul I can say I know that I'm not a fake (2 cor.13:5 - 6). He spoke of being whipped ,I can remember being slapped by Debbie Bartlett (below) in front of the alter at BFM. Paul spoke incredulously of how the governor had the whole city to arrest him ,one man, for what he spoke. Just for words - they must not have been uplifting & comforting like Olsteens. Paul told King Agrippa what his message was :
'I was not disobedient to the vision from heaven ...I preached .. that they should repent & turn to God & prove their repentance by their deeds. That is why the jews seized me .. & tried to kill me.' - acts 19 - 22 (read the account of the vision)
I experience everyday just about the demonic violent excitement by it seems the whole city to destroy all I have & my name. It started at the latter end of my 15 years at BFM & continues to grow participants. I spoke of my belief that a believer is someone who turns from the lifestyle that may be acceptable by society but not Jesus. We follow Him not our own desires. I said no to the advances of men who were part of the church. I confessed my sins to get rid of them. Confessing that ever since being molested for years ,before I could talk by family & later by friends of my family, I had a tormenting desire for all things sexual. One of my favorite habits was to watch the dogs mating. I very rarely got my hands on porn ,always belonging to others.
Others in the church bragged about their habits & partners they had. One lady told me everyone thought about sex & I should focus on career goals. A deacon ,who was also my immediate supervisor whiles I worked at BFM, said ,"I thought it was something serious."
Since my direction was different from everyone else's own the force of their movement pushed me out. I ended up alone against a crowd. I backslid for 2 years where I did try to kill myself & found I would only succeed in entertaining those I now hated. I bought all the porn I wanted but found only disappointment & disgust at the many themes that were based on sex with minors as women dressed & played parts of underage school girls.
It was all empty . I faced the fact that the world apart from God was truly degenerate. How could this & more vile stuff be acceptable. I did not try to stop but I worried about my own heart. I said repeatedly (because people kept asking me if I was a christian) , I wanted nothing to do anymore with God, with church or church people, for two years. God answered me as I was watching tv & turning the channel I happened on a T D Jakes broadcast & he turned and faced the camera & said ,"...You dont want to have anything to do with God , you dont want to have anything to do with church & you dont want to have anything to do with church people anymore but God still has His hand on you."
Right now as I have settled down in God's hands, those church people have not changed. As I tried to find another church ,I found that I was seen as someone who caused trouble. They determined to cause me trouble. The head of the security department at BFM was also a senior police officer. There are other senior officers in the church it is where the influential go to here the message on Kingdom Influence & other churches. To harvest their influence the influential are given ministerial titles.
I have no police record but you would never know this by the actions of the force. They have been beating the pavement with warnings about me. I walked up on a senior officer as he was explaining to someone at Scotia Bank downtown that I was a con artist. This is because of the passion of the church people for the reputation of their pastors & for me to shut up & disappear I have lost my reputation through lies & lost jobs. I have found it impossible to find a job that can pay the rent.
The bus drivers carry the lies that started in BFM & other churches that I am a lesbian , a crazy person, a person who likes to quit jobs. The police , bus drivers , store clerks , fast food & foodstore employees are unfriendly & do their share for the cause. As I have been reduced to asking alms they all tell people that I just dont want to work. So far I've survived in a motel room for almost two weeks but the angry mob is growing. The insults are becoming more violent as they are told more information about me. I am just putting on weight & laying down whiles they are working & taking care of me. I must be stopped.
You know if you've ever visited the Bahamas are if you live here this is a place where there are always unemployed people who are not having extraordinary problems & they beg. They might have family who stand by them & give them a place to stay or friends who feed them. I have neither. I pray & walk out the door. I have determined not to compromise for food or a job. I have to turn down men & a few women who always get angry.
There was an incident downtown ,nassau that caused some african american visitors to ask why I was being treated the way I was. As men yelled & screamed that I deserved to be raped. I was sexually assaulted by someone who goes by the nickname 'bigdog' . He used judo so well , I'm sure he was trained by the police . He told what the police were going to say when they arrived, that I was a prostitute. Which they immediately accused me of when they arrived at the house I walked down to. At the time I was homeless & sleeping under a bridge on a boat.
As I entered the downtown area three days later , these men who were all church men & who had all tried to sleep with me , began heckling me. A junior female police yelled that I was again wearing the same shirt that I had on that evening proving that I was a real professional prostitute. She still leads a campaign against me on baystreet.
I find great assurance in the same promises that Paul (phil.1:19 -21) & Jesus (jhn. 14:28) hoped in . Knowing that death is my deliverance & the wicked will not stand in the judgment nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous. (pslm.1:5) all quotations from NIV
I do not endorse T D Jakes ,just the fact that God used him in that & a few other incidents.
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