Walking with Jesus

I went to see a lawyer yesterday then I went on an interview for a job with a security company. I was sent by the lawyer to his anglican church (episcopal). It was a long day & I had no money to put on the rent. I was promised help from this priest but that was not given. I began to throw an emotional fit, not yet to the yelling stage but murmuring under my breath. I was upset. The whole day was gone it was dark. I had to walk now because there was no more bus to catch. I recalled how powerful worship was. I must get back to that peace or else this frustration was going to cause me to continue to experience more frustration. I walked for a while looking for a place to sit & be quiet. I finally got to a spot, there was nothing secluded about it. I stopped to pray feeling nothing - it could have been 40 minutes feeling nothing was happening or going to happen. I just kept asking & thanking the Holy Spirit for grace to receive His peace & hear His voice. I started to pray as I began to become conscious of my spiritual union with Christ. It was like a small cloud shaped like a hand but I knew I was waking to the voice of God. 'God is my Father, He will answer me.' I would have given up feeling ridiculous a few years ago, & say after a good while, well God did not speak to me & it is getting late , I need to forget about it. This is taking to long. I had experience now though. 'I know my Father always hears me when I pray. I don't care how long it takes, I will wait.'


It was almost 9pm when I got up feeling like I was walking down the street skipping inside with Jesus. I knew He delighted in me. I felt His hand on me as a Father would put a hand on the head of their child & pat it. I was back in the room by 10pm having paid for the night, my bill did not get higher.

I recalled when I was so shaken by what was going on in my life. I was trying to fight it. I thought if I took someone to court & won, this harassment would die down. I tried to take a landlord to court but he got help from my former pastor & found a lawyer who knew the magistrate working in night court. I was staying above the office & heard them laughing & celebrating what this judge was going to say & do to me. I felt my knees go weak. I could not find a job, if I did, I could not keep it because of the harassment. I had no where to go - I had no money , friends & my family would not take my calls or let me in their house for a visit. I would have collapsed on the floor but the room was very small & I ended up with my head on the bed. I felt the room spinning & I felt like I was floating. I felt like I was losing my mind. I cried out to God, I do not know what I said...maybe just help me. The police was harassing me, the church was celebrating every time I lost a battle.

I had a vision that flashed through my mind, it lasted about half a second. I had the distinct impression that I was walking down the street with the disciples around me & Jesus in the center. There was the soldiers with weapons looking violent, there was the religious leaders on the side full of nothing but hatred & rage with fists raised against Jesus. They were the crowd who hated him & wanted to kill him right then & there. We walked surrounded by danger but Jesus was there.

I heard the voice of the Spirit ask, "If you were there & all those people were trying to kill you how secure would you feel?"

I answered feeling the answer was obvious, 'Very secure.'

Jesus said deliberately, " I..Am..with..you." Peace hit me like an ocean made of gel fell on me. I lost all cares. I had no worries. Nothing had changed but I was with Him. He became more tangible & solid in my mind & to my senses as the trouble became shadowy. That is why I stop in the street to pray. I am more concerned about being with Him & having peace & joy, than having what I think I need. I ended up homeless but He was with me. Many horrible things happened to me on the street but I must say many horrible things happened to those who did horrible things to me. I began to see this time of economic hardship for this nation. I began to warn people they might lose their jobs. I was laughed at. Those jobs are gone today! I am in a room I could not have afforded when I was working, it would have cost $70-90 a night now. I was on the street without cable, a bathroom with a shower, a place to cook or a fridge. Boy , did I miss those things. I have those things now but I could turn the tv off now & not touch it. I really had a hard time doing that before. I could eat & be satisfied without having to enjoy every bite. I really would get royally upset if my food was not seasoned properly or I did not have starch, meat & vegetables & a huge fruity drink. I would be downcast if I only had water. Now I drink water every day & rarely buy anything else to drink. I have been weaned from things. I have grown to appreciate Jesus walking with me daily like nothing else. I used to be very down about not having a husband but I am not alone. I can have peace until the day comes when I do, I know I will. If I go without eating one day - I am not crushed with sorrow, as I used to be. I know there will be tomorrow. Once I cry over something & mourn & lose my joy, I let it go.

I started to get upset because I would have to walk down by the food store & ask for money or be out after 10pm when I wanted to be in the room resting. I let it go. I might as well do what I have to do with peace. 'After all Jesus will be there with me', I cheered myself up with this.





The Spirit of Truth

15-17"If you love me, show it by doing what I've told you. I will talk to the Father, and he'll provide you another Friend so that you will always have someone with you. This Friend is the Spirit of Truth. The godless world can't take him in because it doesn't have eyes to see him, doesn't know what to look for. But you know him already because he has been staying with you, and will even be in you! 18-20"I will not leave you orphaned. I'm coming back. In just a little while the world will no longer see me, but you're going to see me because I am alive and you're about to come alive. At that moment you will know absolutely that I'm in my Father, and you're in me, and I'm in you.
The Message (MSG)Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson


Amplified Bible

15If you [really] love Me, you will keep (obey) My commands.

16And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby), that He may remain with you forever--

17The Spirit of Truth, Whom the world cannot receive (welcome, take to its heart), because it does not see Him or know and recognize Him. But you know and recognize Him, for He lives with you [constantly] and will be in you.

18I will not leave you as orphans [comfortless, desolate, bereaved, forlorn, helpless]; I will come [back] to you.